45. Reader

 

I’ve always been a “one book at a time” kind of gal.

I’d have to reach the end of one book before starting another, otherwise I’d feel guilty for leaving things unfinished.

This push through no matter what mentality would take the joy out of reading. Empowered by years of conditioning, my inner taskmaster had a firm grip on all aspects of my life, including my reading habits.

No longer, I say. No longer. Neither life nor reading is a race to tick all the boxes.

In this spirit, I’ve allowed myself to guiltlessly float from one book to the next—free from the arbitrary expectations of my inner taskmaster.

Right now, twelve books sit on my Goodreads “Currently Reading” shelf. When one book stops piquing my interest or another one starts, I pause and follow the thread of my curiosity. I still intend to finish reading each of these books...someday.

Ultimately, I trust my inner voice to guide the timing of what I read and when I read.

I practice asking myself:

  • Is it in my highest good to continue reading this book?

  • Am I noticing any resistance? What lies underneath that resistance?

  • What book, if any, is in my best interest to read right now?

I suppose you could say I’ve turned into an intuitive reader. Well, you could say I’m working on being an intuitive everything—checking in with my inner voice on even the smallest daily decisions.

Some may dismiss this approach as overwhelming or chaotic. But since listening to my intuition, I’ve found that whatever I read next seems to serendipitously align with my life. Magic.

By allowing this chain reaction to organically occur, I end up weaving together ideas from authors across disciplines. It’s so much more fun than trying to force myself to read something I’ve lost interest in. I don’t need to finish a book to derive value from its pages.

Words plant seeds within us that bloom in ways we can’t possibly imagine.

 
Pei-Ling Lee