55. Reborn

 

I’ve been reborn. In a more literal, visceral way than I ever would’ve imagined.

Today I had a session with the wonderful Karolina Blaszkiewicz (website | Instagram) all around healing womb trauma.

Womb trauma is any kind of trauma* that we experience from the time we’re conceived to the time we’re born. Just as childhood shapes later life, fetal development is no exception.

Whatever a pregnant person feels impacts their fetus.

This can include:

  • Stress, shame, anxiety, rejection, and fear

  • Unprocessed emotions

  • Violated boundaries

  • Nutritional imbalances

  • Being threatened or in danger

All of which are very human experiences that are difficult to fully avoid. Thus, I’d venture to say that most people, you included, carry residual trauma from their time in the womb without any awareness of its lasting physical, emotional, energetic, and subconscious effects.

Although we can’t change the past, we can heal it.

The wonderful, magical, beautiful news is that we have the power to heal, especially with the help of teachers and guides like Karolina.

Energy healing can cross time and space. We aren’t conceived knowing how to protect ourselves energetically or set healthy boundaries, but we can amend that. In my session with Karolina, I was gifted with the opportunity to return to my fetal, growing state and do just that.

Over the course of 90 minutes, Karolina guided me to tune into the amniotic fluid, placenta, and umbilical cord in my mom’s womb. To note colors and sensations. To observe my body’s size and position. To feel my own feelings and my mom’s.

With each round of feedback, she helped me cleanse and clear whatever came up. Teaching my tiny self what it feels like on the deepest levels to relax, trust, express, belong, and so much more. It was more profound than words could ever capture.

Integrating the experience.

At the end, when I was coming to, which felt like waking from a trance, my shoulders were so incredibly tense. More tense than I’d ever felt them before. All of that healing was now coming up through my body.

Since the body shifts more slowly than other parts, it took a few hours for the experience to settle. After relaxing in the womb-like space of a hot bath, I lay on my bed resting for nearly two hours, which is unheard of in my regular life. But my eyes couldn’t stay open. My body felt exhausted. It almost felt like I was relearning how to use my arms and legs.

All of this is part of the integration process that follows any experience of deep inner work. A time where being gentle, compassionate, and nurturing towards yourself is especially important. I’ll still be processing this session for the days to come, but I already feel how much has shifted and released.

And did I mention the timing of it all?!

You might know that 444 catalyzed my spiritual journey over a year ago. So it’s only fitting that this account of rebirth is my 55th blog post as I look ahead to 2021, which is a 5 year (2+0+2+1=5). Magic.

Plus, it’s the Winter Solstice! The shortest day of the year and the return of light is on December 21, which happens to fall on the Great Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. I’m not an astrologer, but the bottom line is that these are big, transformative energies.

The thought of 2021 being another huge, challenging year definitely makes part of me feel nervous. But I’m also excited. To bring the birth analogy full circle, it’s only through the painful contractions of labor that we expand.

It helps to be aware of the collective forces at play, regardless of your beliefs. Here are some ways you can join me in looking ahead at 2021:

With that, I wish you a Happy Solstice and a Happy New Year.
Be gentle with yourself and others as we’re all being reborn into this new era.

*To learn more about trauma and trauma healing, which I strongly recommend for any human, The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, It Didn't Start with You by Mark Wolynn, and the Instagram account @traumaawarecare are some great resources.

 
Pei-Ling Leetrauma, healing, astrology, tarot